tears already and the journey has only just begun . .

Today I had my first of many blood tests – and started the pill, let the games begin! I am excited yet so scared!!! A girl I’m friendly with in the UK has just announced she is pregnant with twins – how can you be so happy for someone in one breath and yet so disappointed in yourself in the other. My only hope is that I don’t feel like this forever regardless if my end goal is not met. Life cannot continue this miserable – I want to be happy for everyone who achieves what I’m not able – it’s just right now I can’t AND I hate that. I am not a bad person just a good person who has gone a little mad! Or that’s what I tell myself.